every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
