The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
