Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
