Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My liver just had a heart attack.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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