well I can't set my house on fire every night
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
