I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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