there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
