I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
