I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
