guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
