I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
