I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
