so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
