belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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