i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
