Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
