I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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