If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
