I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
