I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
