Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
