just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
