there's paper in my vomit.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
