Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
