so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
