Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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