My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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