did you get engaged???
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
