My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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