Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
