we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
