She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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