Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
