New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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