i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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