fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
