help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
