yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
