Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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