Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
