we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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