You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
