Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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