Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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