I feel like I'm in dance class right now
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
