she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
