The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
