and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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