Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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