Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
