Your mouth is God's brothel.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
