My Higher Power is John Stamos
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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