I never want to see another naked old woman again.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
